As much as I love doing my Hunters game, it’s not earning me any money at the moment (need to fund this goal somehow). If you’ve read some of my other TLQ posts, I’m currently living with my parents to help with their health and financial situations. However, it’s been long enough; they’re somewhat stable and it’s become detrimental to my mental and emotional health to the point where I cannot function well in their presence.
Meeting with the wise wizard (the counsellor) has helped immensely. She helped me see why I’m stuck with what I’m unable to forge through: the inability to be assertive with my parents, intense anxiety and depression associated with job-hunting and issues to do with my past.
The latest session focused on the soul-shattering anxiety and depression I experience when I go job hunting. Those dark feelings of worthlessness wash over me and suck me into a black ocean rip, taking me further and further out to sea as I flail around helplessly, trying to get back to shore. It is the biggest reason why I haven’t progressed in my job hunt. Previously, I would get swallowed by such a deep depression by merely searching through job websites. There were (and still are) so many jobs I think I can do, but there was always something that blocked me from doing it: the ever-present “experience” requirement, some qualification that I didn’t have (that I would like to do, but cannot afford it), etc. Even writing about it makes me feel rather melancholy.
But after discussing and dissecting these issues (which all seem to be connected to each other – joy…) with the wise wizard, I’ve started, in earnest, searching again. My mental resilience has improved dramatically since the last time I tried job-hunting, and I’m working hard at my Hunters concept to keep my motivation up. Mind you, doing this has added another mountain of work on top of my Everest for Hunters and other projects already. I think I’ve just set myself trekking across the Himalayas in terms of workload. Oh well. Keeping myself busy helps me not get depressed.
Here’s what I’ve done so far. I’ve updated my resume to add all the experience I’ve acquired since my last foray. As for the layout and format, I’m unsure on how it should be done. Not to mention how I should say what I’ve done. I’ve been researching and have read so many conflicting statements on what people should do or should not do. Honestly, it’s all become very jumbled and confusing. Hitting a wall like this, not having a clear way to progress slows me down significantly. It gives me an excuse to give up. But I’ll plug along nonetheless! I’ll do my best customising my resume and apply for jobs that I feel like I’ll have no chance with (my depression saying that, not really me… well… maybe a little bit of me saying that too) and think laterally about the experience I’ve gained from doing Hunters, my gaming years and shadowing.
What I will need to do before that, however, is update my profiles on various websites like LinkedIn. Hopefully my modified and updated resume should aid me in doing this.
I could use all the support I can get so any you can spare would help a lot. Thank you.